Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Just thinking

My friend Judi suggested that I need to be helping other people, which will help me, in theory. I wonder if by pursuing my creativity, that might be enough? I've been trying to be as real and honest as possible with my artistic endeavors, and have as much fun as possible while doing it. I've also been making playful, interesting, and thoughtful things to wear or use, and in a way I hope people will get a smile or a good feeling from them.

I just don't feel like going out and trying to find a niche where I can help other people with their lives and their choices. I have tools I've developed, learned, or adapted, sure. I don't know if what works for me, is really what will work for everybody else. I have a relatively low amount of energy, and a chronic pain level, and I think it would be extremely easy to get in over my head and make myself really miserable. I'm also really unsure that I know as much about their lives and choices as they do, and I think that people have to respect their own selves.

Maybe if I can just manage to heal my own life, that is the main thing that I am supposed to do right now.



Thursday, October 04, 2007

Reality Check

Usually when I post on my blog, I have just taken some pictures, or have something new going on, but sometimes I just need to think out loud about my priorities, and what is going on in my world. I have not been able to make it to a couple of art classes, and I won't be going tomorrow, either, partly because I'm doing a friend a favor, and partly because I haven't been feeling so hot. I know it's partly physical, and partly mental, but that's just the way it is. I've been doing a lot of beading, partly for gifts and partly for myself, and one of the good things about it, is that I use it for a form of meditation, it's creative, and I can do it with my feet up when that is necessary, like right now.

I haven't been having many "spoons" lately, partly fighting off some kind of virus, and it's really discouraging when that happens. What I need to remember, is that most of the time I can use one of my strategies to make happen, what needs to happen and that is alright. I don't have to do it all, everything I think of, or want to do... I can space it out, or do part of it now, and part of it later. I have had to stop doing some things, but I can use my excellent brain to work around the blocks to do what really counts, and it is ok to take some of my prescription pain medication when I need it, I'm not just being weak.

I have had a few disappointments lately, for instance I thought that I could participate in the local Art Association, but found that for now, the one I joined just doesn't work for me. Perhaps in a larger group, maybe with a more diverse membership, I can find a way to participate that works better for me at this time. I tried to do the Newsletter for the Brea group, and found that the group had an intense "control issue" and really just wanted things to stay the way they were done a long time ago. Since I spent a lot of time and energy trying to do what I had been told they needed, that was pretty intensely upsetting and disappointing.

I've been realizing that I have too many unfinished projects around here. That tends to happen to me when I'm feeling down, and when I don't feel focused. I'm going to box up some of them, and see if I have anything I don't need anymore, then I can work on things as I want to, with more space to work in comfortably.

Anyhow, this is just what is going on right now. We have two new chairs, and mine is very comfortable, which is great because I'm spending a lot of time in it right now. We rearranged the living room, and I think it is going to be much more pleasant to sit in now, with a little more light, and some new curtains as soon as I get them made.

I stopped going to the quilting class a couple of years ago, since it conflicted with the other classes, and we don't quilt in there, we just show whatever we've been making, and get involved in more, and more, and even more attractive but unfinished projects. It's basically a three hour lecture, and not even time to socialize, either, just a short break somewhere in the middle.

I'm taking my second semester of Life Drawing, using watercolors in addition to the usual drawing materials, and I feel like I'm making some progress from time to time, but my drawing is still pretty iffy. I was enjoying the oil painting last year, maybe I'll take that next term, but right now, one class seems like plenty. One factor is that it takes a while after you get to class, to get your stuff set up, and get your painting or drawing to flow, and just when you get it really going, class is over and time to stop. I need to think about this, maybe do some oil painting at home now that Autumn is finally here, and now that I have a stable easel for oils.

I think it's a good time to have a finishing up of outstanding projects, and organizing myself so I feel better about my working space, and about what I do there. Right now, I'm having a hard time valuing my work like I should, and I think it's important that I work through that! B*B, Ysabeau