Today, I'm taking care of myself. I'm realizing that it is so easy to be pulled off my own course by other people and their needs, wants, and manipulations, and so hard for me to put myself first.
When I do something nice for someone else, and don't think anything of it, some people come to me again and again and assume I'll do other things for them. I don't know how to easily tell them NO, and if I do what they want, I don't always feel good about it.
I have a wonderful art teacher, who is chronically disorganized, and who wants me to do secretarial work for him. A little bit is ok, but that's not what I'm in class for, and I really do have limits. I gave someone some art supplies that I saw that they needed, and that I had replaced because they didn't suit me. Now that person is offended because I won't take my personal time and tutor them in art, and I barely know them. A dear friend says I "attract needy people", and I don't know how that can be, but she had a couple of examples, and she's probably right, so I'm trying to be more aware of it. I know I looked "useful" to my ex-husband, my parents were very demanding, and I was the oldest of four and had to take responsibility early and often. One of the other students in my oil painting class (a very mouthy and usually funny guy) was teasing me that I ought to get a job as a teacher instead of taking a class.
B*B, Ysabeau
The first step is realizing there is a problem - and decided to do something about it.
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up and remember to show your teeth if they get too close!
Yep! What Deirdre said! Hey, maybe THAT'S why I became a hermit! I have a friend who sometimes hints for me to make her things. But I resist. I've decided that if I think of making something for someone, it is a happy thing if I do it. If I make something because it is hinted for, it taints the gift for me somehow, and I feel used. But I am practicing self-preservation which some people see as selfishness
ReplyDeleteYou have a good heart and unfortunately, there are people out there who like to take advantage. Some folks also give off the caretaker vibe. I think I read somewhere that it's a part of the dynamic of being an oldest child. I've had issues myself with saying no (I yelled at my Mom the other night because she brought me to a place where she *knew* I'd have a hard time saying no to volunteering).
ReplyDeleteRemember though, you're no good to anyone if you are pulled in too many directions. You can only do what you can do physically, mentally and emotionally and in order to care for others, you have to care for yourself too!!!
Lots of hugs.
I think I know of whom you speak! ;-) But doesn't chronic disorganization go hand in hand with being artistic?
ReplyDeleteAnd, is not the male gender more apt to delegate, where the female will multi-task?
I agree that you must set boundaries and limitations. It's the old "give and inch, take a mile" thing. You are a beautiful talented, bright spirit. And they are drawn to you because they want to be like you.
See you in class!