Right ankle train wreck

I have an ice pack on my ankle. I went out of the classroom today, ironically to leave a message for the disability office with my cell phone, and coming back in I hurt myself on the wooden object being used to prop the door open, because it blended in and I couldn't see it. I would have fallen all the way down, but caught myself on a nearby desk.

Of course, my right knee and ankle hurt, but I thought it wouldn't be too bad, and I was interested in the last class today, and the demo the teacher had arranged. Of course, it started swelling up, hurt worse than I expected as my pain meds wore off, and by that time they were filming the demo and I didn't want to interrupt. It escalated to a pain level 8 or 9, and I ended up clutching my ankle, tears running down my face a bit. As soon as it was over, I was given some ice in a bag, I had taken some more pain meds and they had started to work, and two students went to my car with me and carried my stuff.

What am I doing wrong? Maybe I should rethink something about my classes, but I know I can get hurt anytime this way... but somehow it's more embarrassing in a class full of people in their 20's, who don't have my issues at this stage in their lives.

The ankle will be ok in a few days, but the situation will come up again, and again, so what to do?

Access brainstorming

I've been taking a highly rewarding watercolor class at the local community college, and this term has been challenging because the teacher that uses the room previously, I'm not sure how much earlier her class ends... does not make the effort to get the classroom straightened up before she leaves.

This results in the "accessible" desk and chair for me, with the lovely signs on them, being crammed together in the back of the room along with anything else they want out of their way, including heavy cast iron easels, extra seating, spotlights... even loose trash, papers, pencil shavings, all over the place.

I have been asking for, and getting, help from my fellow students, or the kind teacher if he is around, but I have asked him to talk to the other teacher. He didn't do it. He "forgot", and finally last week I went to the art office and told the secretary there to tell that teacher. She did confirm that the teachers have a class at the beginning of the year telling them what they are supposed to do. I still don't think anyone has talked to this teacher, and my teacher came and told me honestly that he "forgot" to do it, and it's really too late now (today was the last class) to bother.

Results: This teacher will be continuing as usual, her students will not become more sensitive and responsible, and whoever comes to her classroom after her next term, will have the same problems, if they have physical challenges... including me, of course, since I'm continuing that class, in theory.

hmm. What to do?

'Fessing up

I haven't been posting to my blog. I ended up abruptly quitting the oil painting class I was taking, just right before the end of the term, when the teacher's cumulative rudeness, intolerance for my disabilities, and some good old fashioned anger at being humiliated in public, made me decide it was not where I chose to spend my time.

I waited some time, then decided that the situation needed to be addressed, and I wrote and dealt with it... but it was several months before I could make myself pick up a paint brush again, and I still really haven't worked in oils since the disastrous parting with the class. I'm trying to go back into the oils, but it just hasn't happened yet.

I did sign up for a watercolor class in the Fall, and I've been enjoying it, but still having to fight with myself to get my creative side to cooperate. So, I've not been painting enough, and I have been producing a lot of unappealing work because I second guess myself and tighten up.

Starting last month, I decided that painting outdoors on Friday afternoons for a couple of hours would be a way to inspire myself and free myself from some of the negative results of the other class, so I have made it a point to go the last three Fridays, and I'm beginning to feel more inspired by nature and outdoor lighting... and letting myself relax more. I started a Yahoo group for any of the students in my class who want to do this, too, but I'm doing it for myself, first.

Ysabeau

Life Painting class in Oils

I've been struggling with oils all term, and this is everything I've done so far. I see myself progressing, but each assignment has been a struggle, getting the desired textures, using only the colors allowed by the teacher for each assignment, painting myself without avoiding looking clearly at myself... these assignments have been really tough. The Spring break is over and Friday we start doing some new exercises. I need to remember that it is ok if I'm not happy with the limitations, because this is a learning experience, not about creativity. B*B, Ysabeau

Challenges and point of view

First of all, it's a stunningly gorgeous day here, 75 degrees, skies bluer than a sky blue crayon, some light breezes doing a wafting thing with the leaves, and twittery birds here and there. It looks like something out of a happy childhood dream.

I've been dealing with a flu bug, but I was enticed out into my patio, with my book, coffee, and happy little dog. One thing was bothering me... I wanted to lift the patio cover up (it was dropped down to shelter from winds a few days ago), and that's a little tough for me. I sat there a while. I read and sipped coffee. Birds were in the pepper tree in our yard, and I couldn't see them... so I decided to raise the canvas cover. It is important to realize that I was doing this as a compromise because I wanted to take the dog to the Dog Park but thought this would be less difficult.

Putting the cover up, involves pulling each leg up to a certain height so it can click into a fastener, and is uneven until you get them all done. One done, no problem. Two done, ok so far. Three, oh, oh, not so good, have to slide along the side and support it until I can get to the last leg. I have to shove the glass table out of the way with one hip, step over some bricks to put pots on, carefully.. and my bad ankle chooses this moment to give out, with no way to catch myself.

I fall slowly, hard, my ankle wrenched because of an old metal piece fastened into the concrete that my shoe caught in, down onto my bad knee, I can feel things tearing a bit in my abdomen, block some of the force with slapping the concrete but can't get a good hit, and hurt my left wrist and palm when I come to rest, but that's no big deal. My bad knee has a palm-sized purple mark, in spite of long pants, so I iced things down, sat in my chair, and cried with pure old anger and frustration. It seems like I just can't do anything, without making a mess of myself.

This is why I have to be so thoughtful and plan out my adventures, and still expect some time to recover. In early February, I was trying to clean up the patio so I could use it, and ended up getting bit badly by one or two of the immature black widow spiders I found, and was killing with a stick. I didn't know I was bitten until later, because I can't feel my skin on a lot of my abdomen, and I had fourteen (I counted) bites in that area. I was pretty sick, but they are almost gone now, just little red marks and small lumps under the skin. Last term I was walking across a classroom, stepped on a cluttered ramp and my ankle just went and I really hurt it, if I hadn't had a cane I'd have fallen flat, and I was so embarrassed when I made a hurt sound, and everyone in the classroom heard me and people tried to help, and I couldn't keep from tearing up with the pain.. very frustrating!!! and it hurt bad for over a week, and slowed me down a lot.

I have a list of things I need or want to do, and I work away at it, but always much slower than I think. I want to do reasonable things, I try to be patient, but it is not easy for me. I like to keep our home up, cook for us, make things, and learn something. I see myself as a tough, resilient, intelligent person, and I try to break tasks down into smaller bits so they are more manageable, but I am not so perfect, and I lose my patience, my sense of humor, and don't always handle it well.

So, right now, I'm going to sit down and have a yogurt, drink my coffee, read a silly book, and put some happy or bluesy music on Rhapsody. I am going to accept my challenges, as much as possible, and try to keep my balance, because I love my life and it's a more than half full glass, all the time. I'm probably not going to go to the Dog Park today, though.

Whew!

Ysabeau

Outdoor painting and rain

They don't go together. The wind keeps blowing my sunshade over in the back yard, and it's chilly and damp. Maybe I could paint out the windows?

Ysabeau

Just more pictures!

My class is coming to an end for the semester, and as usual, the last part of the class is the best. Then, when you start a class next term, you have to start all over and get familiar with the other students, get them used to you, get a learning rhythm going, and just when it gets really good, POOF! it's over.
B*B, Ysabeau