Priorities, people and learning to cope

I try to be cognative about my priorities, I work on it daily, and try to put my energies into what is the most practical and valuable thing I am able to do at that time. I also try not to overdo it, and that can be discouraging because I have to say "no" a lot (especially to myself!), but does result in more times when I'm able to do what I really I need to do, and lets me have more time that isn't severely painful, or when I can't do anything at all.

I've come to terms with it, most of the time, but occasionally I find it very difficult to deal with. I find that it helps to verbally acknowledge both the desire to do something, and the emotions, and then the fact that it's not such a great idea. I'm trying NOT to be my old Wonder Woman self, act like my body is a "tank", and then pay for it later with excessive recovery time.

This has some mixed results, and lately is partially responsible for a rift with someone I thought was a close friend, who has some major physical challenges of her own. She has gone into a big denial phase, for many reasons, and I remind her of my reality too often to be comfortable for her... so we've pretty much gone different ways.

It's a pity, but I am comfortable with my choices for now, and I'm convinced that denial just does not work for me at this point. When I act on denial, I end up even more limited for a time, and miserable, so what's the point?

This makes me wonder if reminding other people of their vulnerability, and non-immortality, is what makes it so very hard to be disabled, physically ill, or otherwise different in this society. I have been treated pretty rudely in public by strangers, and it reflects a great deal of fear, I believe.

So many "dear friends" from my past have dissappeared abruptly as soon as I had obvious physical limitations.

Are most people that afraid? It's a terrible thought, because most of us will eventually have some physical limitations to deal with, visible or not, and whether we choose to admit it or not... it's real, and I think coping with it, and adapting as much as possible, is much wiser than hiding from it.

Speaking of being a bit indulged...

I feel very loved, and though of, this Yuletide. My dear stepdaughter, who means the world to me, took time from her insanely busy life to find and send me a killer lavender bathrobe, a bit small, but so pretty! It was definitely the thought that counted, here, because she called us three days in a row, just because she had a chance and wanted to talk to us. She is so amazing! There's a magic frame, too... I mean computer frame, and I can put digital pictures in there, and use them to paint from, as well as putting them in a place where they can change and we can enjoy them! I have an idea about that...

My beloved husband went a bit nuts and not only got me the sewing machine I desperately needed, he got the very best we could possibly afford, because he knew I'd enjoy it. I had earlier asked for some special painting dvds by Don Andrews that I wanted very much, and/or some paints... but when my sewing machine was going, I thought he'd get it INSTEAD of the painting supplies.

Nope, they are here, too, and I've already seen one of the dvds and it was very much better than I would have thought it could be! Plus, he got me the paints... best of the best brand for my style and purposes, special ingredients, and they were not cheap! I can paint with them for months!!! Very special stuff, with ground turquoise, tiger's eye, other gemstones for heavy granulation, and I love the textures I can achieve with them, that are not possible with "standard" paints.

I love things I can use to make something else, use with my creativity, or learn something I'm interested in. I also got gadgets to use my Sandisc in the car, new headphones which I needed that retract, all things that I can use in my daily life.

Stuff isn't love, but being thought about, and cared about, and sometimes seeing that reflected in stuff, is love. I need to know I matter, and today it feels like I really do matter, even though I can't do everything I want to do.

I'm Very Happy about my Sewing Machine!

I got a new, gorgeous, fun fun fun Janome Memory Craft 9500 for Yule! I got a lot of other fun and great stuff, because I am spoiled, but I'm so happy about the sewing machine!!!

My old beloved Janome Memory Craft 4000 that I got in 1998 had many, many sewing and quilting miles on it, and has been leaking oil, squeeking because things are worn, badly worn, and has even been overheating and threatening to freeze up and never go again. I've had to turn it off to cool very often, and oil it/clean it thoroughly every sewing hour. I am not complaining, it has made many curtains, gifts, quilts and clothing items... but it is definitely ill. I am going to take it down for an evaluation to see if it is worth keeping as a backup, with a bit of repair... maybe, and maybe not.

In the meanwhile, all the special attachments I have for my old machine, fit and work on the new one. I have some familiarity with how it works, PLUS the new one has computer capability of some sort (still learning) and does some fancy embroidery, if I can learn how... ok, WHEN I learn how. Woohoo!!!

Christmas Eve in So. Cal.

This is just down the street, taken the other day when I was out painting in watercolor. This is really a beautiful climate, no matter how much I complain in the hottest parts of the year. I wouldn't mind more rain, or more cool days, but we just don't have blizzards, or ice storms, just heat and winds, but you CAN go to the beach, or probably find some air conditioned refuge. There is no refuge from an ice storm, if you have to go get supplies or run an errand.

I don't dream of a white Yule, not for more than a visit, I'm already in a paradise, with roses in my yard, Right NOW, in December, and plumeria still blooming a bit in front, they make leis out of them in Hawaii, and my herbs grow all year around. I could use a little more rain, but I'll settle for gorgeous Southern California!

Watercolors from this term... progress, I think?

I should take pictures of some of the others... these were on the wall for the class review and critique, and the ocean was really praised. More photos later!

Quilt pictures for this Yule

I got four !!! quilts completed, lap size (plus one for Susie that I didn't take a picture of before it got away), and we're going down to San Diego to set them free in their natural habitat - and I really hope they are enjoyed!

First, for my Niece:













Second, for her Grandmother:











For my Sister in Law:
















And for my Brother in Law:

Looking Forward to Olli

I sent in my $215.00 in to Olli - Cal State Fullerton, for a whole Year of fun, learning, and challenge. It's my job to pick my battles, find the things that will work for me, and not over do it. I see that they have a weekly Wednesday afternoon watercolor class, also there is a Plein Air class at the university side, but I need to know if they paint on the grounds, or go off campus to paint... also the art buildings are on the opposite side of the campus from the Olli building, so what should I do about parking?

I will have full access to the gym, and I need to find out what they have that I might be able to use - pool? jacuzzi? how hard is it to get to it all? What's the locker setup, can I leave things there, or must I bring it each time? Is there an arthritis aqua aerobics class by chance? It would be so nice if I could manage it, but there are some things I may be able to participate right at the Olli building, as I feel able.

I'm feeling enthusiastic about this, but I need to remember it's a challenge, and I'll go and check the place out physically and think about my strategy to make this a success.
How hard is it to get to the library?